It’s a hating everything kind of day.

Jul 17, 2014 | Writing

I’m having a day where I’m hating everything I’ve written or am trying to write.  For example, I’ve just begun revising my third chapter and I hate the first sentence.  It’s not a bad first sentence – as first sentences go – and having rewritten it several times, its what I want to say right now.  But, I hate it’s stupid face.  It’s that kind of day.   A self-flagellating “everything I touch is shit” kind of day.  There’s no way I’m scrapping it, or the 50k I’ve written so far – even though I’m so very tempted to just give up, get in the bed and cry myself to sleep.

Two hands holding up a metal sheet with a frowning face.
Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

The problem I know, is that I have a tendency to get overwhelmed – or let myself be overwhelmed – by stuff.  Stuff gets in my head and makes room for more stuff and before I can say “Wait, stop!” generations o’ stuff is now rattling around with they’s feet on the furniture, touching everything with they’s grimy little hands until and all I can see is they’s crappy, stinky selves! *sigh*

Cleaning up can take awhile.  Sometimes it takes pizza and beer, but i’m gluten-intolerant so that’s out and stupid-body-with-your-stupid-issues-makin-shit-not-fun-anymore-and…STOP!  See?  Stuff.  Highly magnetic – pulls in all sorts of other stuff just because it can.

So what do I do?  I’ve read that accepted forms of stuff-removal include exercise – walks are apparently especially good for this.  It’s 84 degrees (feels like 89) with 64 percent humidity – weather not all that conducive to leaving the cool comfort of my air-conditioned home.  (I have friends who like to tell me that back in the day people tolerated the heat more because they didn’t have things like air-conditioning to make them soft.  I say bullshit.  90 degrees is fucking hot, air-conditioning or no air-conditioning.  Tangent, sorry.)   So, do I venture forth?  Is stuff-removal important enough to take a steam bath in the outdoors?  I’ll come back to that.  What are my other options?  Naps!  Ever notice how you can go to sleep and wake up  with a “clean slate”?  Yeah.  Naps are really good that way.  “Helps to feel sleepy though,” the  stuff says, just to remind me who’s in control.  Bastard.

Looks like I’m going for a walk.  If that doesn’t work, I’m sure the heat will make me nice and sleepy!  Ha!  (Me: 1 Stuff: 0)


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