Movie Roundup #1

Apr 22, 2023 | Movie Roundup

The Monster Project – Tubi

A horror film crew interviews three people claiming to be “real life” monsters: a skinwalker, a vampire, and a demon. Come nightfall, they prove it.

The premise drew me in—how clever! Overall, it didn’t disappoint. While I tend to favor “found footage” movies, they can be really slow to develop. Few movies do a good job of balancing the “random” element with narrative flow, so as expected, it did take a bit for this movie to get going. The capture and kill parts felt a little extended, but I’m quibbling. It was a fun premise, one that’s not done a lot and the resolution was surprising.

One thing that bugged me was that Tubi’s synopsis was different than the one on IMDb: A recovering drug addict takes a job with a documentary crew who plans to interview three subjects who claim to be real life monsters.

Tubi’s description centers “the crew” so going in I expected that, and the movie gave me that—until it didn’t. I get that Tubi’s description was punchier, it was just inaccurate, and I had to spend time switching gears, which was annoying.

Despite it all, it was worth the watch. 4 stars.

 

Shark Side of the Moon – Tubi

Decades ago, the USSR developed unkillable sharks and launched them to the moon. Today, a team of American astronauts will endure the fight of their lives.

It’s absolutely as dumb as it sounds. This is not a movie you watch for technical effects, sets, script, or even the acting. This is a movie you watch because of the bonkers premise. The cast and the director were in on how ridiculous the whole premise was but they did their best to play it straight. (Except one dude, there were times I thought he’d burst into laughter, and I don’t blame him.) Grab the popcorn and watch the silliness.

I’d watch it again. 3 stars.

 

Sebastian – Tubi

Sebastian (ac. AD 288) was an early Christian saint and martyr. He was killed during the Roman emperor Diocletian’s persecution of Christians, initially being tied to a post or tree and shot with arrows, though this did not kill him. Irene of Rome would come to his rescue and nurture him back to health. Although he survived , Sebastian was later killed by his enemies. For centuries after this event, there has been a mass number of young women named Irene murdered and missing around the globe. Legend has it that Sebastian has been living among us disguised as a regular civilian named Augustus and is the murderous , revenging spirit that is reborn every 60 years because of the blood of Irene. The present day Irene is first charmed by his gentleman aurora and his world sophistication but then becomes put off from his aggression. Sebastian will not stop until he gets her blood. Or her love. Anyone that’s gets in the way of his pursuit of Irene will be eliminated. ~Mann Robinson, Director

OK so the thing about this movie is that the synopsis is better than the actual film – not to say I didn’t like it, I did, but I was confused as hell through most of it. It remains a fascinating concept, but there were problems.

The acting was uneven and the story wasn’t all that clear. I didn’t read the synopsis until after I saw the movie, so if you see it you’ll be in a much better position than I was. I kept asking “why?”. If this dude is a SAINT why is he killing Irene over and over? Now that I’ve read the synopsis I’m still wondering “why?” Why is this “revenging spirit” killing Irene over and over again? Why isn’t it taking “revenge” by just killing anyone? I mean, all Irene did was try and help him. Mind you, I know better than to ask these questions, I just can’t help myself.

Despite all this, I liked it. It’s a plot you don’t see everyday and I’m always on the lookout for horror movies that take me somewhere different.

So kudos, even if it didn’t make a lot of sense. 3 stars.

 

Bloody Mary Returns-Tubi

A group of vloggers looking for the ultimate urban legend falls under the curse of the storied Bloody Mary and must stop her before it’s too late.

A fairly typical slasher. My favorite thing is that the vloggers were a bunch of scammers, filming “ghostly’ videos with effects, and lying to their viewers. They’re led by a woman I call The Skeptic who’s so wonderfully dismissive of the idea of ghosts. Of course she finds out quickly that she’s WRONG and then chaos ensues.

This movie had a bunch of problems, the main one being that it was filmed on an extremely low budget. The lack of sets, music, and effects was noticeable. Their absence contributed in that they weren’t around to make up for deficiencies in the script and acting. All things considered, the movie was mediocre. I wish the makers had at least put more effort/money into Bloody Mary’s makeup—she does not look like she does in the movie poster! Hell, she looked like she was wearing a cheap Halloween costume. I mean, come on.

Watch at your own risk. 2.5 stars.


That’s it for this Roundup, if you’ve seen any of these, let me know what you thought.

Thanks for reading!

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